


call my bluff (call you babe)

by thiyatrack (thxyx)



Series: Kids!Universe [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mutual Pining, No explicit smut, Non-Linear Narrative, Prequel, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22376047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thxyx/pseuds/thiyatrack
Summary: Their only spoken rule was don’t tell the others.It’s easy enough to avoid that. Jeno’s a very good actor.And Jaemin? Donghyuck has been watching Jaemin look at Jeno with stars in his eyes for over three years.And that part really doesn’t change at all.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Kids!Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610668
Comments: 24
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> challenge thiya write a whole fwb without mentioning the word dick once :D
> 
> this is the prequel to [a very dreamy christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21957877) and [so lucky (to have you)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19966288) so while you don't have to read them to read this, i'd still appreciate it if you read them all the same!
> 
> also there are jumps in the timeline, i hope it doesn't get too confusing :>

╓═══════☆═══════╖

_**PHASE 1** _

_**BEFORE SUNRISE** _

╙═══════☆═══════╜

_**SEMESTER 7** _

_**OCTOBER** _

“Hey, remember that time Jeno and Jaemin kissed?”

Jaemin instinctively freezes, shooting a glare in Donghyuck’s direction over his notes. “Hey, remember that time Lee Donghyuck shut the fuck up and didn’t bring up useless information when he didn’t feel like studying?”

“The only thing you guys have in common is that you’re both bringing up things that never happened,” says Jeno, not even bothering to look up.

“Really? Look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never kissed Jaemin in your life,” challenges Renjun, who also needs a break from studying. He and Donghyuck always seem to treat the other three of them as specimens that they toy with for entertainment.

It's the same cycle. Jaemin will get angry, Jeno will be unbothered, Mark is generally not dragged in unless Donghyuck is feeling particularly aggravating. Donghyuck will say that this what best friends are for, and Jaemin will stop getting angry, instead going soft the way he always does when being called someone's best friend.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Injunnie,” says Jeno, smiling placidly. “You guys dared us to kiss. It wasn’t because we wanted to or anything. The way Donghyuck puts it makes it sound all dramatic like y’all walked in on us kissing and there were feelings involved or something.”

“That’s not what he said at all,” says Mark. “He said—”

“Oh, so now that Hyuck is involved you have to say something?” cuts in Jaemin, hoping he doesn’t sound too defensive. “It's been three years since that happened, let's all move on and go back to studying.”

“Yeah, Hyuck, end-sems are in three days. Not everyone is as smart as you,” says Jeno, prompting a scoff from Donghyuck. “Keep studying, kids.”

And they do, with no further mentions of memories that have supposedly been long buried, and will remain that way.

  
  


.｡*♡

  
  


_**SEMESTER 7** _

_**OCTOBER** _

“Do you think they thought anything was up?” whispers Jaemin worriedly, pulling away from Jeno slightly.

“I don’t think so,” says Jeno, the corner of his lips quirking into a half-smile as he brushes Jaemin’s bangs out of his eyes. “That was just Donghyuck being Donghyuck.”

They’re on Jeno’s bed, Jeno leaning against the headboard with Jaemin on his lap. The lights are all off and Jaemin can barely make out the outline of Jeno’s face despite it being just a couple inches from his. The only actual sound in the room is their breathing, so jarringly out of sync, but Jaemin’s thoughts have never been so loud.

“Hey.” Jeno knows Jaemin’s thoughts are slowly spiralling, so he presses his lips to Jaemin’s in a bruising kiss, one that distracts Jaemin so that his thoughts shut off and he regains focus on the situation at hand. Jaemin wraps his arms around Jeno’s neck, twisting his fingers into Jeno’s raven locks. Jeno’s mouth tastes of peppermint.

It’s jarring, once again, the intersection of Jaemin’s most and least favorite things - Jeno and peppermint.

Jeno’s hands sneak up Jaemin’s shirt, his fingers tracing trails up Jaemin’s side that send shivers down his back. “Alright then,” says Jaemin, a giggle spilling from his lips as he lets Jeno tug his shirt off over his head and drop it to the floor. “Should we even be doing this though? End-sems are in three days after all.”

“Don’t act like you’d be studying if I wasn’t here,” teases Jeno as he removes his own shirt, pushing Jaemin over and pinning him against the bed, his lips trailing wet kisses down Jaemin’s chest until Jaemin’s thoughts are nothing but static, a light hum of Jeno’s name superimposed over all the noise.

Jaemin doesn’t think about much more than Jeno that night.

  
  


.｡*♡

_**SEMESTER 7** _

_**OCTOBER** _

  
  


Jaemin wakes up in his own bed in the morning.

Jeno’s left a cup of coffee for him on their shared desk, and Jaemin appreciates it even though it’s gone cold, which means that Jeno’s left for the library quite a while ago. Jeno practically lives in the library during exam season. What happened the previous night was a complete anomaly, all because Renjun called for a group study session in their room.

Jaemin guesses that Jeno’s probably going to avoid their room until their exams are all over, to prevent an accidental repeat of yesterday’s happenings that may occur in the far too common event of Jeno exercising weak judgement.

Yesterday _was_ all Jeno’s fault after all, despite Jaemin’s initial worry about whether Donghyuck had found something out about them. All it took was Jeno, needing a break from studying, wrapping his arms gently around Jaemin’s torso from behind, burying his face in the hollow of Jaemin’s neck and whispering a gentle _babe,_ his lips moving against Jaemin’s sensitive skin, and Jaemin was fumbling for the light switch before Jeno had kissed his way up to Jaemin’s mouth.

Because after all, between the reassuring way that Jeno commanded their kisses and the silken soft burn of his bare skin against Jaemin’s, when did Jaemin ever stand a chance?

  
  


.｡*♡

  
  


It was idiocy, the first time it happened, and it was idiocy every time it happened after that, but neither Jeno nor Jaemin was known for their high IQ, so it seemed to make sense that way.

They had rules though, spoken and unspoken. Mostly unspoken.

Their only spoken rule was _don’t tell the others._

It’s easy enough to avoid that. Jeno’s a very good actor.

And Jaemin? Donghyuck has been watching Jaemin look at Jeno with stars in his eyes for over three years.

And that part really doesn’t change at all.

  
  


.｡*♡

_**SEMESTER 7** _

_**AUGUST** _

  
  


The first morning after was the only awkward encounter of the entire ordeal.

Jaemin remembers waking up, more disoriented than usual, catching Jeno’s eye as soon as he started to root himself to reality. A shiver ran through his body because of the way Jeno had looked at him, with something close to steely determination.

Jaemin realized a moment later that the shiver was also due to the combination of two other factors:

  1. It was winter, and the temperature was low.
  2. He wasn’t exactly wearing any clothes.



Well, that explained what Jaemin had thought was an embarrassingly vivid dream. “We need to talk, don’t we?”

Jeno just nodded, wisps of a smile clinging to his lips before they died away as a grimace rippled over his features. “Sorta.”

Jaemin sat up straight, swaddling himself in his blankets as he leaned against the headboard, feeling the aftereffects of last night’s activities on his joints. It had been a while since he had hooked up with anyone, and after the realization that his last hook-up had forced him into, he didn’t think he’d be hooking up with anyone for a long, long time.

Jeno sat opposite him, on his own bunk. “Okay, evidently last night was a bad idea.”

Jaemin smiled weakly. “You don’t say.” 

His heart twisted angrily in his chest. Of course it was a bad idea, they both knew that the moment their lips had come into contact, the moment they decided to throw all caution to the wind, acting on an impulse ignited in that moment.

And yet he still had the audacity to hope that they’d wake up and change their mind, and decide it wasn’t that bad an idea after all.

Jaemin, having scrambled after scraps of hope over the years, was tired, so tired. He thought his only option now was to move away from Jeno after college and hope his feelings would just fade completely after a while. And then this happened.

Standing at the crossroads of taking what he’s got and taking a leap of faith, Jaemin didn’t know which way to choose, until Jeno chose for him. 

“This doesn’t have to change anything between us, you know. It was just a blip.” Jaemin couldn’t see the expression on Jeno’s face, because he could barely look at him, but there was a forced neutrality to Jeno’s words that gave away the fact that _of course_ this was a little more than a mere blip in their friendship.

That forced neutrality stayed for the rest of the week, hung over their shared room like a toxic fog. _Everything is fine,_ it was like a deliberate mantra drumming through every interaction.

Jaemin hated it. He knew Jeno hated it as well, but he didn’t know how to start the conversation off. The words stuck in his throat and died before they could take form. 

It was easier when they were in a group, but Jaemin can’t really forget the look that Renjun gave him at one point, so piercing it felt like he was being X-rayed. Renjun was always a little more perceptive than the other two, but thankfully he didn’t ask. He was perceptive enough to not do that as well.

It was a little more than suffocating, and suffering with boxed feelings for years somehow didn’t make it any easier to handle. It’s not like this was something that you got good at with practice.

As long as the feelings were there, the pain was too. That part doesn’t really change either.

  
  


.｡*♡

_**SEMESTER 7** _

_**AUGUST** _

  
  


The tension finally breaks, as does their good judgement.

All it takes is one misplaced joke after Jeno’s dance performance in a leather outfit, a casual touch to test the waters, and Jaemin doesn’t remember much of what happened in between that and the moment he ends up on his bed straddling Jeno, pressing urgent kisses to Jeno’s mouth and neck.

“Aren’t we supposed to not be doing this?” asks Jaemin, realization hitting in the midst of a particularly soft kiss, one that was oddly out of place in their hormone-heavy interactions.

Jeno actually spares a laugh at the circumstances they’ve found themselves back in. “Do you not want to?”

“Does it seem like it?” Jaemin can’t help but find the whole situation a little funny, the way they’ve fallen back to this as naturally as opposing poles of a magnet.

Jeno leans in once more, and Jaemin can feel Jeno’s lips curve into a smile against his. “No, it doesn’t seem like it,” whispers Jeno.

“Yeah.” There’s more emotion in that one word than Jaemin would like to give away, but Jeno doesn’t seem to hear it.

“I mean, if you’re good with just doing this no-feelings kind of thing occasionally, I’m good with it too,” says Jeno, his words too fast, tripping all over each other once he realizes he actually has to have something to say about the situation. “It really doesn’t have to be awkward between us, it can just be a background thing, you know—”

Jaemin covers Jeno’s mouth with his hand. “It’s chill. Calm down.” Jaemin giggles at Jeno’s sheepish laugh. “It’s totally fine, what the hell.”

Jaemin’s a whole liar, though, because it’s not a no-feelings thing when there are many, many feelings on his side, but as Jeno’s fingers card through his hair as he leans in for another kiss, Jaemin decides that this time, he’ll take what he gets.

A leap of faith can wait.

  
  


.｡*♡

_**SEMESTER 1  
** _

_**SEPTEMBER** _

  
  


It’s about two months into their first semester when their little group falls together, and it doesn't take very long for Jaemin to decide Renjun is his unofficial favorite.

Even though Donghyuck is the one he’s closest to, considering that he’s known Jaemin longer than anyone else, which means he has the privilege of being treated to more information about Jaemin’s life, which also means he doesn’t hesitate to use that information against Jaemin when he needs to (and it isn’t as though Jaemin doesn’t reciprocate that favor). Mark is the best listener and makes Jaemin look like the lesser dork, but he’s unnecessarily sensible at times and doesn’t know how to put that across without making Jaemin feel like an idiot. Jeno is well… Jeno, and Jaemin has caught some complicated feelings for him that he can’t exactly deal with right now.

But Renjun? Renjun is the only one who’ll sit with Jaemin patiently in the library, stealing the best campus wifi and crossing off song by song from a list that he made, as Jaemin pirates song after song and downloads them onto his phone. And that’s what makes him Jaemin’s favorite, because no one else will go through this mind-numbing task with him, and he really can’t do it alone. Download the songs and keep track of what he’s downloaded? Impossible.

“Next on the list, Taeyeon’s Purpose. The first song is Here I Am,” reads out Renjun.

“I love her, what a legend,” says Jaemin, copying the link from Youtube. “My favorite song was Spark. Man, what a bop. I wanted to learn the choreography to that.”

“You could’ve just asked Jen to learn it and teach you, we have a resident dancer,” suggests Renjun. “I watched him attempt to teach Donghyuck Feel Special the other day, I’m sure he wouldn’t have any qualms about it.”

Jaemin laughs and continues clicking links until the song is safe in his downloads folder, toying with that idea. “What’s your favorite song?”

“Wine, hands down,” smiles Renjun.

“Jwin, I know you love drinking but for real?” Jaemin shakes his head. “Tone down the alcoholism a little.”

“Alright, maybe it’s because you don’t have a single romantic bone in your body, but I find it painfully romantic.” Renjun places his hand to his heart for emphasis. “Getting drunk on a love that becomes sweeter as time passes? God, isn’t that such a beautiful concept? What I wouldn’t give for something like that.”

“Eh, sounds pretty gay,” shrugs Jaemin, as he types the next song into the search box. He doesn’t spare it much thought after that. He doesn’t care much for lyrics anyway.

  
  


.｡*♡

_**SEMESTER 6  
** _

_**FEBRUARY** _

  
  


Two and a half years down the line, the lilting notes of Wine waft once more through Jaemin’s earphones. 

It’s been a while since he’s heard it. The tune remains familiar, but the words hit differently. 

He’s sitting in the library with the rest of the group. Jeno sits next to him, their economics books open in front of them. Jeno’s fingers tap out a stressed beat on the table, and Jaemin watches his jittery knuckles, slowly zoning out.

“You aren’t going to study?” asks Mark, when Jaemin has stared plainly at his textbook for a solid ten minutes without reading a single word. “I know you’re sad, Nana, but aren’t you going to look through your notes at least? The exam is tomorrow.”

“He pays enough attention in class, he’s got this,” says Jeno comfortingly. “After all, econ is the only subject that Jaemin actually pays attention to. He’s such a raging socialist, he’s so focused on dismantling capitalism from the inside. He’s so fluent that he doesn’t need textbooks, textbooks need him.” There’s a thick layer of bravado over the words, and Jeno’s clearly just trying to get something close to a smile out of Jaemin.

It doesn’t really work, though, because Jaemin just looks down at his hands, expression stony and unyielding. He can’t concentrate on the words on the page. He can barely count the number of fingers peeking out of his hoodie sleeves. His eyes are red from crying and his vision blurs occasionally when he zones out too much.

It’s a full moon night. Moonbeams dance through the window, hitting Jeno at the worst angle possible. His skin looks pale, his lips look non-existent, his hair has an eerie glow to it.

Jaemin takes in the sight, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Donghyuck was right.

And Jaemin resents him for it.

  
  


.｡*♡


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i know i've disappeared for a very very long time but hi i'm back and there are some mild changes to the story and a more coherent author's note in the end note so please make sure to read that as well? if you haven't abandoned this story (like i did for a while) just know i love you

**_SEMESTER 5_ **

**_SEPTEMBER_ **

  
  


If Jaemin had to be honest with himself (something he was  _ very  _ bad at doing), he would be able to admit to himself that even early on, he might have (just  _ might  _ have) caught wind of the fact that he didn't necessarily feel strictly platonic feelings ( _ really  _ not platonic) towards Jeno. Looking back now, he probably should have dealt with that in a healthier way, like accepting it and just waiting for it to fizzle out eventually.

He didn’t, though, and instead he denied it, repressed it, slapped bandaids all over it by hooking up with every half-attractive human being who expressed interest in him.

Which worked, actually, it worked pretty well. Jaemin lived with a pleasant feeling of being found sexy by a sizeable demograhic, being desired by quite a few people, and he cultivated that image, wrapping people around his fingers as their bodies tangled in bed, with no strings attached. 

Feelings were exhausting, is what he told himself, and that’s why he couldn’t afford to bother with them, instead choosing to sleep with strangers who desired nothing from him except pure carnal pleasure. A quick fuck from time to time left both parties feeling good about themselves, but Jaemin never felt the need to tie himself down, because he chose not to learn the names of people he slept with if he could manage that. They never existed outside the bedroom of his life.

This strategy worked pretty well, it really did. Until he made the grave mistake of wandering into the territory of Friends With Benefits. They were just project partners, not even friends, but that was the first time that one of them caught feelings for him, and expressed the possibility of wanting something more than just hooking up. (It came at an optimal time too, one when Jaemin was beginning to look at his friends who were dating each other and wondering if he wanted that as well.)

There was nothing wrong with the boy at all - nothing that even Jaemin, with his pickiest of judgement, could pick out that was seriously off with him. He was Jaemin’s ideal type, if Jaemin ever had one. A whimsical being with a hidden rough edge, intimidating from a distance but more than a little affectionate in closer proximity. As close to perfection as Jaemin could ever conjure up in his imagination, with soft lips and kind eyes and strong arms. The fact that he was great at sex was a bonus. 

Yet, when it came to saying yes to something more, Jaemin couldn’t manage to get the words out of his mouth. 

It bewildered him that he didn’t find himself accepting right away. This was, after all, a boy - a beautiful boy with a lovely personality, so talented that half the student population was in love with him - who wanted to be with Jaemin. And Jaemin loved the idea of that. Their personalities fit so well together and not to mention, they’d be something of a power couple.

All he had to say was yes, but he couldn’t manage to get the syllable out of his mouth. So instead he apologized, told him that he didn’t want to be in a relationship at that time, and then proceeded to wallow in confusion and self-pity, because none of this seemed to make sense to him logically. 

Why had it been so difficult to take that leap? Jaemin was ashamed of his cowardice, but beyond that lay something else that had stopped him, a roadblock emblazoned with text in a language that Jaemin had refused to learn.

He chose to consult Donghyuck - a mistake on its own - but Jaemin’s impulse when it came to getting advice on romantic relationships was to go to Donghyuck, because he supposed that Donghyuck would be both smarter and nicer, considering that he was in a fulfilling romantic relationship since the blossoming young age of nineteen. (He was presently only twenty, but that fact was irrelevant.)

But relationship or not, Donghyuck was never one to mince words, shoving Jaemin headfirst into the truth. He speaks with a scoff preceding his words, a  _ scoff,  _ and Jaemin instantly regrets his decision.

“Nana, I don’t know what you want me to tell you, but you’re in love with Jen, that’s why you’re not down for anything more with anyone else.”

The denial comes first, and Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Please give me something I can work with here. I can’t play along with bullshit.”

“You don’t want bullshit? Fine.” Donghyuck puts down his phone and clasps his hands together, and that’s when the first hints of fear enter Jaemin’s system. “You constantly hanker after his attention. You flirt with him, and yes, I know you flirt with everyone, but only in this case am I not sure if you’re joking or serious. You’re constantly going out of your way to take care of everyone else, but he’s the only one you trust to take care of you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” frowns Jaemin, the anger beginning to set in. “Jeno and I are best friends, that’s it.”

“Nana, you and I are also best friends, but you don’t catch me looking at you the way you look at Jeno, like he brought you the moon.”

“That’s because you have a boyfriend, obviously.” A flimsy excuse, because even without that it isn’t as though Donghyuck doesn’t have a point, but Jaemin can’t allow himself to even consider the possibility, as his thoughts begin meshing together into a convoluted whorl. What Jaemin wouldn’t give to not have to deal with these feelings - ah, there’s the bargaining.

“So you do admit that you look at him like he brought you the moon. Interesting.” Donghyuck spares a smug smile. “You really think no one else notices, don’t you? Admitted, you are a little more subtle than I expected you to be, but I know you too well for your  _ bullshit. _ He could literally look like the biggest mess ever and you’d still be looking at him in that disgustingly soft way.”

“This is just like that time when you told me that George Washington invented coffee,” spits out Jaemin, getting up to leave. “I’m tired of this.”

Donghyuck watches him leave, laughing lightly as he calls out, “I was correct then too, I just never specified  _ which  _ George Washington!”

  
  


.｡*♡

  
  


**_SEMESTER 5_ **

**_SEPTEMBER_ **

  
  


Having run through three out of five stages of grief, Jaemin spends quite a bit of time in the depression stage to make up for his initial rush. 

Over the next two weeks, he focuses his energy on studying for his midterms. He doesn’t really study though, he just needs an excuse to go sit on the fourth floor of the library because he knows that’s the one place that Jeno will not step foot because the air conditioning is always on full blast and that always screws with Jeno’s allergies. He hauls along a sweater and a thermos and takes three hour breaks between his one-hour study sessions.

Mark joins him sometimes, the only other person who’ll stand the air conditioning of the fourth floor, but evidently only there out of pity for Jaemin because Donghyuck would’ve sure as hell filled him in on their conversation. Mark never says anything about it, though. He just gives Jaemin company without intruding, and Jaemin loves him for that. It keeps him sane.

Once the midterms pass, however, Jaemin loses some of that sanity, and Jeno comes back to their room one day to find Jaemin swaddled in blankets on his bed, tears streaming down his face.

This isn’t Jaemin’s first breakdown that week. He’s been having way too much coffee and alcohol over the last week (sometimes at the same time), and has been sad and mopey in general, so Jeno doesn’t exactly panic, but he is deeply concerned as he takes a seat on the bed next to Jaemin and helps him into a sitting position. “What happened, Jaem?”

“I’m an idiot,” is all Jaemin says as he pulls the covers over his face, turning away from Jeno, who keeps a firm grip on Jaemin’s arms to keep him from curling up into a ball again.

“Yes, we’ve both known that a while,” says Jeno, decorating the remark with a small laugh before realizing that he isn’t exactly helping the situation.. “What idiotic thing did you do this time?”

Jaemin pokes his nose out through the covers so that his teary eyes are seen, brimming with regret. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

Jeno nods seriously. “I promise.”

Jaemin hesitates for a couple seconds, then pulls the covers off his head.

Jaemin’s hair is  _ blond. _

He’s evidently tried to bleach his hair on his own, because he’s done a  _ terrible  _ job of it. His hair looks damaged, like straw, and the color isn’t even, looking light yellow in some places and nearly orange in others. Between his screwed up hair and his blotchy face, to say that Jaemin looks like a mess would be an understatement.

“Nana…” Jeno chooses to arrange his features into an expression that he hopes will come across as a reassuring reprimand. “Why would you do something like that?”

“I needed a change,” is all Jaemin says, with a cryptic undertone that Jeno, at this point, is sick of. Jaemin has been sad with no explanation the entire week and it makes Jeno feel utterly helpless. There’s always been an implicit understanding between them that they’ll bring up issues whenever they feel ready enough to talk about them, but Jaemin has been spiralling and making Jeno feel utterly helpless, because he couldn’t just watch Jaemin go on like this and not say something. It made him feel like a terrible best friend. 

“A change from what?” he asks, trying to mask the impatience in his voice.

“I don't know,” says Jaemin.

“I’m pretty sure you know,” prods Jeno.

“I don’t, I really don’t.”

Jeno knows he’s lying, so he just sighs. A silence hangs over them for a long minute, until Jeno finally speaks. “Look, Jaem, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I’d like you to stop doing dumb things to deal with it. Please talk to me, don’t leave me out of the loop.”

“I don’t even know where to begin, Jen, and I don’t think I want to talk about it.”

Jeno allows a pause, hoping that Jaemin will take that back, but he doesn't. “Okay fine, but at least promise me you won’t do pull more dumb shit. Be sad if you want, but don’t be a sad idiot.”

Jaemin nods, looking down at his hands. “I promise.”

“And you know you can tell me about anything, right?” Jeno’s voice is a little softer this time, and he bends slightly to try and meet Jaemin’s eyes, but Jaemin just looks in the opposite direction, nodding, “I know.”

Jeno sighs. “Fine, then let’s see what we can do to fix your citric disaster hair now.”

Jeno asks Mark for advice on how to fix Jaemin’s hair, because Mark has a lot of experience with constantly changing his hair color (despite Donghyuck’s reprimands that it’s really bad for his scalp), and he takes Jeno shopping for a bunch of hair products.

Jaemin’s fifth semester ends up being the semester where he takes the highest number of selfies, because he’s a narcissist and grows to love his dyed hair as it becomes routine for Jeno to dye Jaemin’s hair in a different color every time one begins to fade. Red, blue, purple, they go through the whole rainbow. 

Jeno just gets better and better at it every time, and even though he threatens to make Jaemin dye his hair on his own the next time, Jaemin knows he’s not the only one who enjoys the time that they spend together, arguing over the music they play in the background (“That’s more  _ red  _ music! We’re dyeing your hair  _ blue _ !”) and playing twenty questions when they run out of other conversation. Jaemin also knows that buying Jeno a box of mint chocolate squares for every dyeing session keeps Jeno soft enough to do it for him another time.

Jaemin has always had people lined up around the block, waiting to sleep with him, and the line just gets longer. The difference just lies in the fact that the line doesn’t move anymore. Jaemin’s sex appeal increases, but the amount of sex he has drops drastically.

“You know, I haven’t been sexiled in a while,” Jeno comments one day, tone almost cautious.

“Do you miss that?” asks Jaemin, not looking up from his books.

“Nope, not at all.”

“Mhmm, then don’t complain.”

They don’t spare any more words on that.

  
  


.｡*♡

**_SEMESTER 7_ **

**_OCTOBER_ **

  
  


“Lee Jeno.”

Jeno blinks a couple times and looks up at Renjun. “What?”

“You’ve been staring at the same page for half an hour.”

Jeno figures he should say something to justify why that is the case, but the subject in question is philosophy, which is also something that Renjun and Jeno have a long standing argument on, so saying something along the lines of  _ I’m just finding this difficult to understand _ would be the equivalent of admitting defeat, and despite how hazy his brain felt, Jeno knew better than to do that.

“Yes, I have,” he stupidly chooses to say.

“Uh huh,” nods Renjun slowly. “Something on your mind?”

Jeno pretends to consider the question for a couple seconds before shaking his head. “Nope.”

Renjun just half nods and goes back to his notes, but a couple minutes later he pipes up again. “Some _ one  _ on your mind?” His tone betrays that he probably knows exactly who Jeno is thinking about, or maybe that’s just Jeno’s paranoia speaking.

Half of Jeno wonders if he should ask Renjun to wager a guess, so that he could ease into talking about it, because Jeno needs to talk about this. He really needs to talk about this.

But he can’t seem to find the words for it. Can’t seem to find the words to describe that inexplicable feeling he felt in his chest this morning as he was making coffee for both himself and Jaemin, when he looked over at Jaemin curled up in his blanket, shoulders exposed to the muted sunlight filtering in through their curtains, a small crease between his brows and face half-buried in his pillow.

His brain had spoken without permission.  _ I think I might just love him. _

The thought left as quickly as it had arrived, but the jolt of fear that it caused in Jeno’s system ensured that its aftereffects stayed for quite a while. As a result, even though the thought had barely stayed, Jeno’s analysing and re-analysing ensured that it was hunted down, murdered and resurrected that very thought a large number of times. It was messing with his focus.

He couldn’t love Jaemin. He liked Jaemin for sure, quite a bit actually. Just enough to want to pursue a physical relationship with him, because that’s all Jaemin went with, but not enough to get drastically hurt by accepting the reality - that Jaemin didn’t like him back. That this would never be anything more than it already was.

And yet now… the thought brings acid to the back of Jeno’s throat and makes his head spin.

“Earth to Jeno. I’m losing you again.” Renjun looks concerned. “What’s on your mind? Seriously, you’re starting to worry me.”

Jeno presses his lips together and shakily says, “Do you want to guess?”

“You did something extremely stupid and now you’re regretting it?”

“Yeah, sorta. Wanna make it more specific than that?”

“I’m allowed to guess anything I want?” Renjun raises an eyebrow challengingly.

“I suppose?” Jeno narrows his eyes, because he’s not sure exactly how weird the guess is going to get.

Renjun props his chin up on his hands cryptically. “So I have a theory. It’s been a thought on my mind for about a month now, but I am not Hyuckie so I can’t just say it out loud when I think of outrageous things like this so…” A small frown creases Renjun’s face. “But it was based on pure vibe analysis? I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to overstep boundaries or anything.”

“Pure vibe analysis, huh?” A small smile flits across Jeno’s face despite the ominous feeling sinking into the pit of his stomach. “I have a terrible feeling you know what it is.”

Renjun screws up his face, straightens and relaxes his posture a couple times. He opens his mouth but closes it once more, squinting at Jeno hesitantly. Finally he straightens once more, coughs once and blurts out, “You and Jaemin are fucking, aren’t you?” The fact that Jeno doesn’t respond immediately breaks the dam of thoughts spilling out of Renjun’s mouth. “That or you’re in a secret relationship in which case, the “secret” part that would’ve been your decision because i know for a fact that if Jaemin got into an actual relationship he would never be able to shut up about it, and we would’ve found out by now because otherwise Hyuckie and I would kill him for not telling us as soon as it happened.”

Jeno’s face burns. “Um. Yes. You got it right. The um, fucking part,”—Jeno cringes as he says it—“not the secret relationship. I wouldn’t really be able to keep it a secret from you guys either.”

Renjun breaks into a grin. “I knew it! I fucking knew it. You bastards, I can’t fucking believe you!” The grin drops. “Oh wait. Oh god no. You’ve caught feelings, haven’t you? That’s why it’s clearer to see now. Y’all always had this unresolved sexual tension so I thought it was just a really dumb suspicion before but now it shows.”

“I don’t know,” Now that it’s out, Jeno feels like he can breathe again, even though Renjun’s words are only deepening his fear. “I don’t know if I just momentarily left my guard down or whether it’s just mid-sem stress getting to me or if there’s this one romantic part of me that thinks just because I’m sleeping with someone they should have enough good qualities for me to want to date them.”

Renjun is silent for a little bit and finally, slowly says, “But this isn’t just someone - this is Jaem in question here. You’re sleeping with Na Jaemin. That’s your best friend.”

“I know, I know, I know,” says Jeno, running his fingers through his hair apprehensively. “That’s the most idiotic part of it.” He puts his head down on the desk. “Wow, I’m so stupid.”

“You really are,” says Renjun, shaking his head and earning himself a withering look. “But so is he. So I guess it makes sense.” He leans forward. “And you were okay with it just being purely physical at first?”

Jeno shrugs. “It was kinda confusing, but yeah.”

“Then what’s the problem now?”

_ That there have been feelings all along and now they’re just too big to repress.  _ “Like I said, it could just be the mid-sem stress talking.”

“Mhmm. Maybe,” Renjun repeats cryptically, nodding. “Well, you know what that means, right?”

“I should shut up, study and deal with this after endsems?”

“Incorrect. We’re figuring this out right now. Tell me everything.”

.｡*♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild changes to the story:
> 
> 1) since there a lot of timeskips, i've added timestamps of sorts so you have an approximate idea of what is going on at what point of time. i used the semester structure of my college, which is 8 semesters in total, odd sems from august to november, and even sems from january to april
> 
> 2) this work is to be divided into three phases, each of a few chapters each. this work is in no way related to the before series, even though the first two phases take their titles from the first two parts of the trilogy, and the last phase's name is derived from the name of the last part of the trilogy. i haven't even watched the series, but the titles fit the phases very well.
> 
> //
> 
> on a personal note, i was not in the best place when i posted the first chapter of this and following that, hit really bad writer's block and lost all faith in my writing. it was just last night that i began talking about this and was told something that kinda inspired me to get up and finally break out of my fear that i no longer am capable of writing well enough. i hope you guys enjoy this chapter, because i really did enjoy writing it.
> 
> also i might've quit both tumblr and twitter because they were taking a toll on my mental health, but if any of you want to drop into my ccs, i'll check those.
> 
> i hope all of you are staying inside and staying safe! i'm sending love and warmth x

**Author's Note:**

> i needed motivation to finish this ... i have the whole outline down (and because it's a prequel it goes far behind the fwb angle) and i just need a little push to start working on this seriously so i decided to put this out.
> 
> so do leave comments, i'll love you forever for that! or reach me on any of my social media that i'm linking here:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/thiyatrack) // [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/thiyatrack) // [tumblr](https://tumblr.com/thiyatrack)


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